Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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