Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
