he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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