my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
