It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
