You smell like a Billy Joel song
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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