I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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