know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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