Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
