I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
love makes seman taste better
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can you bring me the toilet please
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
