I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sorry about my life...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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