Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
