i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
