Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
