i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize