I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there was a trapeze. enough said
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found your dick twin last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
