i just had sex bonerless
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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