Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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