She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
