you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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