i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
