fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
