...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
