Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
