She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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