i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
