a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
