i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
