just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
