My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
