There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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