words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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