I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
