you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
