Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
