So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize