He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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