His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
