so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
