What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
