i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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