Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize