she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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