haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sorry about my life...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
