All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
