Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
