Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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