Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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