that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
