you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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