Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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