Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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