any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
