I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize