You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
