My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
