I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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