so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
