My hair reeks of homosexuality.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
