I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
