The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
