wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
