Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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