he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
