What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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