I heard we made out
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
