Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you didnt know i had herpes?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
