If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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