You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
