apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She bit a glass in half.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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