We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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